Arlene is funny and interesting, but even though she constantly laughs and smiles, she radiates tension. Her shoulders and eyebrows are noticeably raised, her voice is shrill, and her body is stiff.
Being around Arlene makes many people feel anxious and uncomfortable. Arlene has a lot going for her that is undercut by the discomfort she evokes in others. When Sharon had something to say, Ted was always ready with wild eyes and a rebuttal before she could finish her thought. This made Sharon feel ignored, and soon she started dating other men.
Ted loses out at work for the same reason. His inability to listen to others makes him unpopular with many of the people he most admires. These smart, well-intentioned people struggle in their attempt to connect with others. The sad thing is that they are unaware of the nonverbal messages they communicate. Nonverbal communication is a rapidly flowing back-and-forth process that requires your full focus on the moment-to-moment experience. As well as being fully present, you can improve how you communicate nonverbally by learning to manage stress and developing your emotional awareness.
Stress compromises your ability to communicate. And remember: emotions are contagious. If you are upset, it is very likely to make others upset, thus making a bad situation worse. Take a moment to calm down before you jump back into the conversation. The fastest and surest way to calm yourself and manage stress in the moment is to employ your senses—what you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch—or through a soothing movement.
By viewing a photo of your child or pet, smelling a favorite scent, listening to a certain piece of music, or squeezing a stress ball, for example, you can quickly relax and refocus. Since everyone responds differently, you may need to experiment to find the sensory experience that works best for you. In order to send accurate nonverbal cues, you need to be aware of your emotions and how they influence you.
You also need to be able to recognize the emotions of others and the true feelings behind the cues they are sending. This is where emotional awareness comes in. Pay attention to inconsistencies. Nonverbal communication should reinforce what is being said. Is the person saying one thing, but their body language conveying something else? Look at nonverbal communication signals as a group. Consider all of the nonverbal signals you are receiving, from eye contact to tone of voice and body language.
Taken together, are their nonverbal cues consistent—or inconsistent—with what their words are saying? Trust your instincts. Eye contact — Is the person making eye contact? If so, is it overly intense or just right? Facial expression — What is their face showing? Is it masklike and unexpressive, or emotionally present and filled with interest?
The Non-Verbal Communication, unlike the verbal communication, helps in establishing and maintaining the interpersonal relationships while the verbals only help in communicating the external events. The non-verbal communication in the form of signals, expressions add meaning over the verbals and help people to communicate more efficiently.
It supplements whatever is said in words, such as people nod to acknowledge and move their hands to give directions. A cold tone of voice might suggest that you are actually not fine, but you don't wish to discuss it. A bright, happy tone of voice will reveal that you are actually doing quite well. A somber, downcast tone would indicate that you are the opposite of fine and that perhaps your friend should inquire further.
Posture and movement can also convey a great deal of information. While these nonverbal behaviors can indicate feelings and attitudes , research suggests that body language is far more subtle and less definitive than previously believed. People often refer to their need for "personal space," which is also an important type of nonverbal communication.
The amount of personal space needed when having a casual conversation with another person usually varies between 18 inches to four feet.
On the other hand, the personal distance needed when speaking to a crowd of people is around 10 to 12 feet. The eyes play an important role in nonverbal communication and such things as looking, staring and blinking are important nonverbal behaviors. When people encounter people or things that they like, the rate of blinking increases and pupils dilate.
Looking at another person can indicate a range of emotions including hostility, interest, and attraction. People also utilize eye gaze as a means to determine if someone is being honest. Shifty eyes and an inability to maintain eye contact, on the other hand, is frequently seen as an indicator that someone is lying or being deceptive. Communicating through touch is another important nonverbal behavior. There has been a substantial amount of research on the importance of touch in infancy and early childhood.
Harry Harlow's classic monkey study demonstrated how deprived touch and contact impedes development. Baby monkeys raised by wire mothers experienced permanent deficits in behavior and social interaction. Touch can be used to communicate affection, familiarity, sympathy, and other emotions. In her book Interpersonal Communication: Everyday Encounters , author Julia Wood writes that touch is also often used as a way to communicate both status and power.
Researchers have found that high-status individuals tend to invade other people's personal space with greater frequency and intensity than lower-status individuals.
Sex differences also play a role in how people utilize touch to communicate meaning. Women tend to use touch to convey care, concern, and nurturance.
Men, on the other hand, are more likely to use touch to assert power or control over others. Our choice of color, clothing, hairstyles, and other factors affecting appearance are also considered a means of nonverbal communication. Research on color psychology has demonstrated that different colors can evoke different moods.
Appearance can also alter physiological reactions, judgments, and interpretations. Just think of all the subtle judgments you quickly make about someone based on his or her appearance. These first impressions are important, which is why experts suggest that job seekers dress appropriately for interviews with potential employers.
Researchers have found that appearance can play a role in how people are perceived and even how much they earn. One study found that attorneys who were rated as more attractive than their peers earned nearly 15 percent more than those ranked as less attractive.
Culture is an important influence on how appearances are judged. While thinness tends to be valued in Western cultures, some African cultures relate full-figured bodies to better health, wealth, and social status.
Objects and images are also tools that can be used to communicate nonverbally. On an online forum, for example, you might select an avatar to represent your identity online and to communicate information about who you are and the things you like. People often spend a great deal of time developing a particular image and surrounding themselves with objects designed to convey information about the things that are important to them.
Uniforms, for example, can be used to transmit a tremendous amount of information about a person. A soldier will don fatigues, a police officer will wear a uniform, and a doctor will wear a white lab coat. At a mere glance, these outfits tell people what a person does for a living. Nonverbal communication plays an important role in how we convey meaning and information to others, as well as how we interpret the actions of those around us. The important thing to remember when looking at such nonverbal behaviors is to consider the actions in groups.
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